When I am in love

When I am in love I fly to every place I need to go to, I bathe in the light of the ordinary and nothing scares me.

When I am in love, fresh laundry smells like cornflower fields and my thoughts get lost in a hidden temple in the Armenian mountains where I could sit next to you for hours enjoying sunshine without breaking silence between us.

When I am in love, I want to go to work, to cook for you, to make you coffee and tea, I want to hold hands and take you around the streets of the old Kiev and carefully let go of your hand only and exclusively when I need to tie my shoelaces or put on my hat.

When I am in love, my thoughts are separated into two layers, one of them is filled with life, studies, work, friends, family, and another one, the thick layer on top is filled with your smile.

When I love you, I give you my dearest and most expensive – all my time, and I do not feel bad about it at all, because you fill it with a mysterious meaning that is difficult to understand for others, and I am like a weightless cloud floating next to you, in complete harmony, here and now.

When I love you, I get lost inside you and I am not afraid of it. I give you myself fully, every bit of me, and I ruthlessly step on my freedom with my big sneakers. The concept of freedom itself changes when you feel more free next to someone than the free you used to feel on your own.

There are no obstacles, difficulties, sadness or regret in front of me, I ignore all the possible impossibilities and quietly believe in the golden space of our dandelion future. I do understand to a certain extent that one day you will be old and helpless, and I will coddle your feet with a woolen blanket and will make you camomile tea, and we shall fall asleep in each other’s arms or holding hands.

Our children will bring us chocolates and big yellow apples in baskets, and we will give them to our grandchildren, pouring out all our love on them. Though, it is impossible to pour out all the love, love is infinite and doesn’t only cover you and me, but our whole family, our street, our country, and finally the whole world. And that is why it is so important to be in love, because when I love you, I love every little flower and even the mosquito buzzing incessantly over our heads all night long.

When you are not around anymore, you go on a business trip and do not come back, you become deaf or die, and the magical golden dawn light disappears from our house, I remain alone, but I still love you.

Because one can be in love with a person, or with an important thing, or with the whole world. And I bury myself into papers and files, pens and ink, spoons and forks and yoga mats. My life is like an endless curve, where on top of each highest point а star of love blows up and dies, and I quickly sled down with the help of self discipline and million little tasks, that have been invented especially for this occasion. I dance, draw, drink, meditate, travel, and sometimes just stand in the middle of the street.

And every day I’m waiting for you, my love, to get lost in you again.

 

2 thoughts on “When I am in love”

  1. Beautiful… It made me cry. All emotions and feeling that were inside a bubble that i kept ignoring, suppressing, suspending just exploded and came out with tears. That beautiful piece of love you shared made me feel lighter, cleared my heart and woke awareness about my loving. Thank you!

    Like

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